"I know what it's like,because my husband is never home"

You know,when others try to compare their lives to yours,it gets a teensy-bit annoying. There is absolutely no comparison on God's Green Earth,for a single mother to a married mother. So,if you are married and reading this? It is offensive to tell another single parent that you understand their strife because your counter-part is gone a lot of the time.
There is money coming in for one, you get to spend holidays together and your child HAS a Daddy!!!(or Mother,in the opposite case) And even though they may not be around much,at least when they are,you are free to go shopping by YOURSELF! (what I wouldn't give...),or maybe he/she is extra cool and helps by making dinner once in a while or giving the baby a bath. Even if he/she doesn't help out much,I'm sure just their presence alone,is comforting to both your children and you! .I was afraid to sleep for years after my divorce,especially when living in some 'not-so-great' neighborhoods at times. Even just having someone to kill an occasional spider for you is nice! ;) (okay...maybe just remove them to the outside for you spider lovers.)

But, you get my point right? I don't mean to rant,but going through Cancer AND keeping this four man ship afloat,is definitely a juggling act to say the least and when I hear remarks like that, I just cringe. This is not my most eloquently written post,as it is more venting than anything,but at least I dropped in to say hello!

P.S. Please send me your stories of 'Being Demeaned as a Single Parent'.(especially mothers). There seems to be a generally very low opinion of many single mothers,while single fathers often remain upon a pedestal and highly revered. It just doesn't seem right to me. We are one person doing the work of a village and I want to let other people know how single mothers are being treated by society as a whole.

Single Mother,Creator of Miracles

Parenting
Single Mother, Creator of Miracles
By MICHAEL WINERIP
Published: July 29, 2007
In West Windsor, N.J., a single mother with four children shares her story of finding ways to keep her family self-sufficient and purposeful.

Rising above "The Ex"

This is a big toughy for most of us, rising above "The Ex", that is. It’s so tempting to remind them of “what went wrong” or “who was to blame”.
The most important thing to remember when communicating with your Ex is, it really doesn’t matter. It’s not relevant(none of it is)and therefore should not ever be discussed. I know what you are thinking, “But they are the ones who bring it up”, “He/She is the one who starts it”, right? As difficult as this may sound, let them! Let them start it, talk about it, put you down,push your buttons ...whatever. The key is biting your tongue and sometimes you have to bite real hard, so hard it hurts. The more you do this, however, the less painful it is. It does get easier and will eventually become second nature. I am not saying I am perfect in this department,far from it.I think we’ve all been guilty of being “egged on”.
Your Ex may not realize it now,that you have risen above him/her, but some day he/she will (don’t expect an admission though.) Most importantly your children will notice. Again they may not right away, and you are probably thinking “With all the games he/she plays, how could my child know?” Well, while the children are small, it’s true,they can become very confused, but as long as you do not waver and do not stoop to the other persons level, it will be okay in the end. Your child will grow up to respect you. They will look back and remember and the picture will become clear. The parent who did the slandering will, in the end, only hurt themselves, so let them dig their own hole. Time has a way of sharpening the image. Best of all? You can feel good about your self...and hold your head up high.

How to Beat the Childcare Blues

Guilt is the number one ingredient when it comes to leaving the care of our children to someone else. So many worries…”What if my baby becomes attached to them?” is a big concern. I have known more than one instance where friendships were actually severed over this.

It is difficult to come home and realize your child doesn’t want to go home with you or says they “love” their babysitter and maybe they even miss them when they are not there. Although it’s a tough pill to swallow, remember it’s better for your children to be somewhere they are they are happy and content...with someone they trust and enjoy!

We already suffer enough and so do they, being away from each other so much, so let them be happy! Better for them to be attached to their childcare provider than afraid of them! Just know that if they “love” their provider, you can sleep well, knowing it is probably a good place for them to be!

When you're home, try not to get caught up in the the downward spiral of beating yourself up about not being there enough.That will only put you in a bad mood when you are home.
If you are single,working mother reading this,I dont even have to know you to hold a tremendous amount of respect for you and so will you child as they grow older. You are doing everything you can to take care of you and your children and that is very noble.
When you are home,try ignoring some of the household chores,(I can assure you, they aren't going anywhere and will still be there waiting for you tomorrow.) and get out of the house! It's okay to have some fun once in a while! (And you don't have to feel guilty about it.) You'll be amazed at how a little 'one-on-one' can stomp out the guilt.
Another cycle is,sometimes,we feel so guilty that we continue to fill up our time with as many tasks as possible believing that it can make us feel better,knowing that we are 'accomplishing' something. But it's a trick...(who knew our sub-conscious could be so cunning.)The method to the madness? The busier we are, the less time we have to think about how guilty we feel. Slowing down when your on overload takes a little practice, but I believe in you! Give it a try...

All Single Parents Need a good Daily Laugh....

This is probably my fav. SNL skit!!....


Undergoing MyBlogLog Verification

How I manage to be a Single Parent battling Breast Cancer

Sometimes when I lay down with Azalia(my 1 year old daughter), she likes to lay her head on my chest. And she's not very gentle about it...it's more like someone dropping a 5 lb. weight on me as she plops her little head down. I try to guide her in mid-air occasionally so she doesn't land on my porto cath. (the device on my clavicle used to administer chemo...it looks like a button under my skin.) She can be pretty rough! As she climbs on me,she pushes all her weight on to my breasts,the left one has two lumps and they are painful if pushed on. I try not to stop her though when she lays down even if it's uncomfortable or I'm not quite sure even...if it's okay? I don't know how much trauma my breast can safely handle.

I look at her though and think to my self "I'm glad you still have your 'pillows'." She should take advantage of them while they are still here. I will be undergoing a radical bilateral mastectomy in September.

I know it's kind of boring sometimes...just the two of us here, bumming around the apartment all day. Whenever I open the front door, her eyes open wide with amazement to idea that "there's an outside world?" I want to go places with her, but I don't you know? I am so tired and the thought alone is draining, yet I am so infected with Cabin Fever, we have got to get out of here!

My two little men, Canyon and Ocean are at their Father's right now. There was really no other way around it. It was the hardest thing I ever did. I have nothing of value in my life,but my children. They are my most precious cargo. It was like taking everything in the world that matters to me and saying "Here you go!" Of course not true...I still have Azalia here and what would I do without her? I have no idea.

I know it's difficult for them, but sometimes I think they are stronger and more mature than I am.They know we are all just "doing what we have to do" right now. They want to come home and sometimes ask when it will be, yet they understand. I am so proud of them. I have always thought myself to be such an inadequate mother and I know I am. But when I look at them I am beside myself. "How did they turn out so good with a Mom like me?" I think. I'm hard on myself, but I think I should be. As a single parent I have to up the anty. What kind of mother would I be if I wasn't hard on myself? There is always room for improvement and right now especially, I just feel that I am failing them. The Cancer is out of my hands,I understand. I wish though, that I had the key to unlock the past and undo whatever caused this. The hardest thing about of all of this isn't what I'm going through (I can get through anything...tough as nails),it's what they are going through. If I find myself falling short when I am healthy, how will I fare for them being ill?

The only comfort I find in it all is knowing that it is only making them stronger and more caring and sensitive to others.And that in the end,it is a "thorn" that they will learn from and hopefully,carry good character from it into their futures.If I can bring 3 more good people into this world then I have accomplished everything! Besides that? Anything else is just a bonus!

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