SPEDA Single Parent Employment Discrimination Act

Please view and sign the following petition. If you have had enough, as I have in the employment arena as a Single Parent, please show your support and help me advocate for Single Parent rights.
I have put together this petition in hopes of making a change. Every big change in the world had a person with a grandiose,hair-brained idea behind it. As they say, "Well behaved women rarely make history." (or as Laurel Thatcher Ulrich said)

Online petition - Single Parent Employment Discrimination Act SPEDA

The Forgotten Minority

I want you to imagine yourself taking care of three children by yourself for a minute, which usually entails the rare skill of being able to tie a shoe, eat a bagel, hold a baby, type and talk on the phone all at once. You are the sole provider, however right now, times are tough and well? You are not providing very well. The collectors are calling and everyone is tired of Ramen noodles. You thumb through the wanted ads in the classifieds and apply to nearly every job you’re barely eligible for.
While on the phone to set up an interview, you escape into the bedroom and close the door while your two boys punch each other’s lights out and the baby wails and bangs on the door. It’s not that you’re trying to be mean. You feel bad. It’s just that you really don’t want to mess this up and hearing a bunch of screaming and fighting kids in the background might not leave the best impression.
The first interview comes; the boys are off to school and now for the baby, off to the babysitters. She reaches for you and cries. You tell her you’ll be back soon. Your heart is a yo-yo, each step you take the tension becomes stronger until you get to the car, that’s when your proverbial yo-yo (heart) springs out of your chest , rolls up the stairs and into the hands of your baby.
As you pull up to the interview, you of course pull into the only spot available, the one with a big mud pot hole right next to the driver’s side. As you emerge from the vehicle, you try to act casual about the gazelle leap you are just about to attempt over a 3ft. wide mud hole only to miss the clean edge by a good 7 inches. The cuff of your pants and heel are now impressively covered with thick mud. You try to nonchalantly wipe off as much as you can (as if that can be done), and scurry inside the building to make your grand interview entrance. Your phone is buzzing (it’s on vibrate) with frantic texts about a lost bottle and a fever. You know there is nothing you can do about that now and the show must go on (or the bills won’t get paid.)
Once back in the interviewing room, you are so nervous you are sweating; your eyes are darting, and well? You really look like you’re on crack!
“So….” She says nudging her glasses lightly downward, “You do know this shift is from 8-5, is that a problem for you?” (You know in your mind that it is, but you figure you’ll work it out …you HAVE to. You know your children don’t get on the bus till’ 8:20 and get out at 3:25, which means you’ll have to leave before they get on the bus, take the baby to a sitter and then find a sitter to pick them up at 3:25 and then YOU will pick them up at 5:30. Not easy, but what are the alternatives?)
“Oh no, that’ll be fine. No problem”, you say.
“Do you have any children?” (You hate this question…not the kids, just the question.)
“Yes.”
With head slightly back, so that you can see her nose hairs and her eyelids almost closed, she asks “How many?”
“I have 3, a 2 year old, a 9 year old and a 12 year old.” (Why did you just volunteer all that? You could’ve just said 3…or..I stopped counting after two?)
“But don’t worry, it’s not a problem. I have sitting arranged. Yep! Everything’s arranged!” (Now you are just nervously blurting things out.)
“Married?”(You idiot, why did you just ask that, don’t you know you’re not supposed to? Of course you do.)
“Um…no.” (You idiot! Why did you just say that! Don’t you know they’ll use that against you? Of course you do.)
“Hmm…” (Here comes the suspicious-sizing you up- investigator look.)
Panicking, you say “Ma’am, one thing I can tell you is that my being a single parent is definitely not an obstacle for me. I am a hard worker and dependable. I have to be, THEY depend on me.” (Oh, great! Now you sound desperate.)
“Well, dear this job is very demanding", she sneers.(It’s a receptionist job for crying out loud. Demanding? Your kids are demanding, this is a damn VACATION.) Here is comes,"Do you think you could handle that while juggling your lifestyle?” (Yes, she just said lifestyle as though it were something you chose, your “style”. You just picked it out of the closet and said “Now THAT’S my style! My LIFESTYLE.” Pfft!)
“Oh sure, I am a multi-tasker 100%!” You say gleefully. (Why are you sucking up to this snotty bitch? Oh yeah…bills.)
“Yes, well there are many applicants. We’ll give you a call.”
Back to the drawing board!
You know, it’s bad enough that we are at a disadvantage for being single mothers, even worse; we get a double whammy of discrimination with the female thing. There is something very strange about the workplace and women; it’s called “Queen Bee Syndrome”. This is real; I swear it on a stack of post it notes.
Queen Bee Syndrome is when a woman wants to be the “Queen Bee” of the workplace and is very competitive with other women and therefore actually discriminates against their own sex in order to keep their competition in check. Some women like being the only woman in the environment and therefore will only hire men, or if they do hire women, it has actually been proven that WOMEN are harder to get promotions and raises out of than MEN!
This is treason.
Who are these women? We are supposed to band together, not make it harder on our sex than it already is. Competitive, Shmetitive. When are we going to let go of the catty, snarky attitudes?
If we don’t, the conditions for our sex will never improve, not with us against each other.
Forward this to your girlfriends and let’s get a chain going. No more female to female discrimination in the workplace! No more single mother discrimination in the workplace!

Single Parent Discrimination

Warning!! This blog may contain several politically incorrect remarks. Please find another blog to read if you consider yourself a politically correct person (the irony is,that I am a Political Science Major.) Nice eh?

I have a few beefs and couple of bones to pick when it comes to the general treatment of Single Parents in this country (and I'm sure abroad.)Are we lesser beings? Ever feel as though you are at the bottom of the Sociotype Totem Pole? And why?? Because we believe the bull that we are fed.

The fact is, we work twice as hard as most families...The DINK's (Double Income No Kids),the Married with Children Types, Religiously Married with Children Types,or those whom are simply too Chic for kids! There are many more Sociotypes of course but these are the ones that really bug me!It's not their lives that I have a problem with. I envy most of them. It's their attitude.

How is it that we receive less respect for doing the job of a village,alone? You would imagine the opposite, but nope. Not gonna happen. Us, single mothers are often times seen as weak and needy and even more,a liability and risky investment. Yep, that's us,as we dustily sit upon the shelf,right next to the clearanced day old bread.

The thing that really chaps my hide is that Single Fathers seem to be treated in the exact opposite fashion. The are praised and admired. (This is all generally speaking of course, I realize the case is different for many.)

Have you ever been to a job interview when they carefully ask with a suspicious eye, "Tell me about yourself..." "What sorts of things do you do for fun...." or maybe they are more forward and just illegally and flat out ask if your married or have children. (It's happened to me several times, probably because they assume that some dumb single mom wouldn't even know that it's illegal or even care?) Of course once you fall into the trap and accidentally mention that you enjoy "Spending time with your Kids" (they notice the absence of the husband part.) Or maybe you just candidly answer the question, and then?....the tone changes. The interest and excitement that was on their face just seconds ago has now been traded in for pity and disappointment.

This, my friends is the Saga of the Single Mother. Who wants to hire woman who essentially has no back up for childcare? Who will inevitably need many sick days for sick children? Back to the 'poor investment' issue. Don't get me wrong though, good employers do exist! (Miss You Vicky and Victor!)

However,I am certain that I was not hired for several jobs that I have been more than qualified for,simply because of my social rank.

And Health Care? Don't even get me started,oh wait! I'm already started...

The discrimination I have seen over the last year and a half for being on Medicaid is unbelievable. My first Oncologist had the attitude that if I were to receive free Health Care, then I should receive the most basic or less than standard care. (The cheapest and least effective of course.)

He would not look me in the eye when we spoke and I felt the presence of death among me. His insensitive approach insinuated that he had already surrendered to the idea that I was not going to make it. Unsurprisingly, after 3 months on the WRONG chemo (the basic stuff), I had almost zero response. The tumors were almost exactly the same size. The words "Ms. Millet, I hate to tell you this,but it appears that you have not responded much to the A/C." The words echoed in my head. What? I AM THE PROBLEM? I didn't RESPOND? Funny how the way something is worded changes everything.I had become best friends with my toilet bowl for 3 months for nothing and in my opinion? All because I was on Medicaid.

I had known of other treatments available but he showed no interest in starting me on them, I had asked for Clinical Trials, but he made excuses. In my eyes? He was murdering me.

I immediately changed Oncologists and to my complete shock, I wasn't spoken to like I had the I.Q. of an Orangutan just because I was on Medicaid. A doctor who actually treated me like a person? I started a new treatment regimen and showed immediate improvement! Are we going to stand for this!? This kind of stuff is going on all over the world and when discrimination goes this far,it could mean a person's life!

If you have never experienced the pain and embarrassment of telling the Cashier at the Grocery Store that "It's an EBT Food Card." (Food Stamps), or if you have never been faced with the Horror of having to tell a Landlord that you are on Section 8 Housing (crossing fingers,toes and eyes just hoping that they will not look down on you and accept you),or if you have never had to encounter the flushed all over,color of of Fire Engine feeling of being told that your WIC check isn't good for THAT kind of Orange Juice or that you tried to cash it on the wrong day and therefore had to put all the groceries back....you are the lucky one!!!!

The brutal truth is that we have a hard time. We try so hard to better our lives for our children and ourselves but attitudes and circumstances can be stifling. I am curently trying to figure out how and where I will receive and pay for,childcare for my 3 children so I can attend College.It's just insane.

And then there are some callous people who dare go beyond just an attitude and would actually tell a Single Mother that she owes society because they are helping her or that she should send back the Christmas presents that the Doctors Office (yes,my Doctor is awesome) bought for her family. It's a good thing that some people care and that there ARE programs out there to help those seriously in need,but it is difficult to say the least at the same time.

You know, on the Housing program now, it is a requirement that you do 8 hours of Community Service a month if you are not working. No problem,it's just that...I don't believe that it prevents abuse.Those with no work ethic will simply claim disability for something as general as Depression, while those WITH a work ethic, struggle to find to find employment but in the mean time, must find a way to pay for day care while completing their community service on top of it.

Just a note (okay,it was more like a novel),to let you know that there is someone out there who cares, someone who has experienced the same things and someone who is FIGHTING for your rights as a Single Parent! That's why I'm going to Law School baby!
To protect those whom have had their basic Civil Rights violated. No more! Enough!

I will have more T-Shirts coming out soon. Let ya know as soon as it happens!!

The Losers Train

Ever feel like you are perpetually stuck on a ride that you really would like to get off of? I have. Ever get the feeling that your life closely resembles that of a Hamster in a Cage? Me too.
Problem is,sometimes you don't know how to exit.What I am referring to is the 'Losers', you know who I'm talking about. You know the type. Come and go as they please.Can't hold a job. Prefer sleeping their car,or at your pad rather than 'wasting money on rent'? Sound familiar?
Maybe I'm kidding myself and I am the only one stuck in this diabolical amusement park designed specifically for my eternal misery.I highly doubt it though. I have met so many women with the same story.And why do these guys prey on single mothers? Why hurt our children? It is the most selfish,careless,insensitive thing I have ever witnessed.

The thing is,when I meet men that run away from their responsibilities,you know who I really get angry at? The parents. It makes me wonder what went wrong.How was this person not raised with the basic knowledge of respect and responsibility.But I have to admit from my own experiences,I have actually been personally abused by men that have no family history of abandoning their families or abuse.(at least not in their immediate family.)
Then many times,a woman gets the strength to get away,only to fall victim to another user,another loser. Same circumstances,only different scenery. How do we stop this? How can we rally together to save single mothers from this abuse,as extreme as that may sound,I feel it's sadly accurate.
It's a cycle.We,women need to believe in ourselves! Believe that we deserve better for us AND our children! It seems as though sometimes,our self-esteems' suffer so much damage from years of constant deterioration from our significant others that we actually start to believe their garbage,treating us as a landfill for all their emotional trash.
There is some good news.Usually women that get taken for are just kind-hearted and believe that there is good in everyone. The women who are attracted to men like this are attracted to them because they want to help them,because they believe that they can help them change! They fall in life with their potential and not who they are which always turns lethal for the relationship.
So,ladies,I have a new rule (okay,an old principal that I am trying to get back to again.)When meeting someone new,my belief is,that we pick our battles.Naturally,no one is perfect (another cop-out for falling for men like that.),BUT,if there is ANYTHING that you would change about that person,it's a NO!
If you think to your self "Well,when we get together,he will be happier and he is only explosive because of blah..blah..blah.", Or, "I really don't like his drinking,but he says he going to stop." Or, "I think he still has a thing for his ex-wife but once he spends more time with me,he'll forget all about her." Or, "Sometimes he seems to be insensitive to his children and mean to his mother,but he's just frustrated with his job."
Remember, how he treats children,his Mother,and his ex-wife...is how he is going to treat you!(even if right now he's "really nice".) And my last dead-giveaway that you are dating a loser is if they say "I'm not like those other guys." From my own experience,they've ended up to be the biggest jerks of all.
Try living on the edge. Next time,you may consider dating outside of your 'comfort zone',outside of your normal attraction.Someone completely opposite. You might give it a chance and find that the right person was always there...just waiting.It may seem foreign or weird at first,but it is just your brain adjusting to the fact that you DESERVE BETTER! (For those of you whom are in a relationship that is so perfect,you actually make others physically ill,this post was obviously not directed at you...any pointers though? =)